Leading with Compassion: How Empathy Shapes Ethical Leadership

A coach once shared an insightful observation with me: While I was strong in professional competence and logical reasoning, I often became so engaged in the facts and details of discussions that I sometimes overlooked the relational aspects. I tended to focus so much on the outcome or the argument, that I didn’t give enough attention to bringing people along, fostering understanding, and building essential connections.

This feedback helped me realize that business growth isn't just about strategies and arguments, it's also about building strong relationships within our teams. Cultivating a positive, collaborative environment is key to ethical leadership, where both innovation and collective purpose can thrive.

For me, ethical leadership is more than just a concept, it’s a commitment to lead with head, hand and heart. However, I sometimes struggle to find the right balance between empathy and assertiveness, especially when advocating for causes I deeply believe in. I've learned that achieving this balance is crucial,  as empathy bridges the gap between critical thinking with the relational understanding that is necessary for growth and progress.

In this article, I’ll explore why empathy is crucial to ethical leadership, offer strategies to deepen it, and discuss how to balance it with assertiveness for more impactful leadership.

Different Levels of Empathy

Empathy isn’t a one-dimensional trait, it operates on multiple levels, each contributing to our ability to connect with and understand others. Heidi Kastner (2021), in her book Dummheit, outlines three core levels of empathy:

• Cognitive Empathy: The ability to intellectually understand another person’s perspective without necessarily feeling their emotions. This is essential for problem-solving and maintaining objectivity.

• Emotional Empathy: The capacity to emotionally resonate with others. This enables leaders to build genuine connections and foster psychological safety within teams.

• Behavioral Empathy: Translating empathy into actions that reflect care and understanding. Here, empathy becomes visible through behaviors that demonstrate respect, compassion, and inclusion.

  
  

As leaders, mastering all three levels of empathy empowers us to lead with both heart and strategy.

7 Ways to Deepen Empathy as a Leader

In Empathie und Widerstand (2024), Kristina Lunz explores empathy as a transformative power in politics, arguing that it connects people, deepens understanding, and drives social change. Though focused on political environments, her insights are equally relevant to business leadership. Lunz highlights that empathy is not just intellectual understanding but an active commitment to fostering genuine connections.

In our fast-paced business world, it's easy for us as leaders to overlook relational aspects. Yet empathy is essential for bridging individual and collective success, ensuring teams feel heard, respected, and motivated to collaborate.

Due to its critical relevance, I'd like to share 7 ways to strengthen your empathy and become a more compassionate leader.

1 // Openness

Empathy starts with shutting off judgment. As leaders, we must approach every situation with a willingness to understand and learn from perspectives that differ from our own. We cannot truly empathize unless we first accept that everyone comes with their unique experiences and realities. There is never only one truth. In order to empathize with someone, we need to suspend our prejudices and open ourselves to fully experiencing the perspectives of others - even when their reality doesn’t match our own. This openness not only deepens our emotional understanding but opens up a space where we can appreciate the complexities of diverse viewpoints.

In my first leadership role, I struggled to empathise with a team member who was satisfied with working a strict nine-to-five schedule, delivering minimum expectations. Coming from a high-performance background, I initially couldn't grasp why one would be satisfied with less than the maximum outcome. My initial judgment and high expectations alienated the team. Realizing this, I shifted my focus from pushing harder to understanding the person behind the behavior. By initiating regular one-on-one conversations, I learned that empathy means recognizing there is no single 'right' way to approach work and that openness fosters stronger relationships and a more connected team.

2 // Personal Responsibility

Empathy spreads from the top. As leaders, we are responsible for our actions, behaviors, and the culture we create. As Lunz (2024) states, we may not be able to change the attitudes or behaviors of others, but we must take full ownership of our role in shaping how empathy manifests within our immediate environment. This personal responsibility means acting with integrity, demonstrating empathy in all interactions, and creating an environment where respect and understanding are foundational.

I remember feeling frustrated with a colleague who regularly missed deadlines or afternoon meetings, due to family commitments like childcare or doctor’s appointments. Initially, I saw these as excuses and assumed a lack of commitment, reflecting my own biases and adding even more pressure on her. Recognizing my responsibility for how I engage with others, including the way my actions impact those around me, I approached her for an honest conversation and gained insight into her challenges as a single parent. We collaborated to adjust schedules, creating an environment more inclusive for single parents. This experience taught me that personal responsibility requires actively removing systemic barriers, not just acknowledging them.

3 // Humanity

Ethical leadership demands a deep awareness of our shared humanity. As leaders, we must be conscious of the power we hold and the consequences our decisions have on others, especially those with less influence. True leadership isn’t just about achieving goals or optimizing outcomes. It’s about treating every individual with dignity and upholding fairness, ensuring that the choices we make consider the well-being of those around us. Humane leadership also requires standing firm in our values and being unafraid to advocate for what is right, regardless of external pressures.

It’s not always easy. Being humane as a leader often involves making tough, unpopular decisions. I’ve learned that staying true to my values and prioritizing the human aspect can be challenging and lonely, but it’s essential. I experienced this firsthand when I faced inappropriate behavior at work. Speaking up was difficult but necessary, not just to protect myself but also to protect those who didn’t have the courage to speak up. By speaking up I set clear boundaries and demonstrated that such behavior wouldn’t be tolerated. This action sent a strong message to the team that harassment wouldn’t be accepted, supporting a more respectful environment and encouraging others to speak out when needed. 

4 // Self-Reflection and Growth

Empathy is a journey of personal growth. We must continually evaluate our own biases and assumptions in order to gain a deeper understanding of our team’s needs. Leaders who lack self-awareness struggle to lead with empathy. Knowing our own privileges, triggers, and behavior patterns allows us to model the behaviors we want to see in others. Additionally, as we encourage empathy in our teams, it’s important to recognize that empathy involves giving space for growth, both for ourselves and for those we lead. 

For me, self-reflection is an ongoing process. Even though I would describe myself as self-critical by nature, I seek outside support to regularly assess how my biases, assumptions, and behavior patterns might influence my thinking, interactions, and decisions. Being aware of these tendencies is a constant challenge, and I've realized that leading by example involves not only acknowledging my own shortcomings but also actively confronting and improving them. Coaching has been invaluable in helping me gain clarity and focus on areas for growth, providing insights into my strengths and areas where I can improve. Therapy has also played a key role in helping me explore deeper emotional patterns, allowing me to better understand how past experiences influence my leadership. This combination has nurtured my self-awareness and resilience, which helps me to lead with more empathy and authenticity.

5 // Active Listening

Listening is not just about hearing words, it’s about deeply engaging with the other person. Active listening is a vital skill for empathetic leadership. It requires giving our full attention to the person speaking, acknowledging their emotions, and responding thoughtfully. As leaders, we need to provide our teams with the assurance that they are truly being heard, not just in casual conversations but especially when addressing concerns or making important decisions. This intentional presence not only strengthens relationships but fosters trust and enables more thoughtful, informed choices.

I’ve seen many of us struggle with active listening, including myself. Since becoming more aware of my own tendency to not listen fully, I’ve consciously focused on improving it. There are moments when my mind races ahead to solutions or feels tired from being overloaded, but I’ve learned that allowing others to fully express themselves leads to a deeper understanding. Meditation practices help me stay present and manage racing thoughts. I’ve also found it useful to make notes and summarize what’s been said, which both confirms understanding and creates space for clarity. By focusing on active listening, I aim to create an environment where people feel valued and truly heard, just as I would like to be.

6 // Tolerance for Ambiguity

Empathy in leadership also means embracing complexity and uncertainty. In today’s business landscape, things are rarely black and white. There are often competing interests, uncertain outcomes, and gray areas. True empathy empowers leaders to hold space for these contradictions and guide through the unknown with flexibility and resilience. By accepting ambiguity, we can create room for creativity, exploration, and collaboration, which finally drives growth and innovation.

This is probably the most challenging area for me. I have a tendency to see situations in black and white, especially when clarity is needed or outcomes seem uncertain. It’s a struggle, because my instinct is to quickly seek answers or take control to make things clearer. However, I’ve realized that this desire for certainty can limit both my thinking and my team's potential. Over time, I’ve been learning to embrace the gray areas. Instead of rushing to label a situation as right or wrong, I now focus on exploring all perspectives and giving space for different ideas to emerge. One practice that’s been useful for me is mindfulness, which helps me pause and resist the urge to jump to conclusions. Though it’s still challenging, I see this process as a way to become more flexible and adaptable, and that’s something I want my team to embrace as well.

7 // Constructive Criticism

A key aspect of empathy is supporting growth - both our own and others’. Providing constructive feedback means helping others improve without diminishing their confidence. Empathetic leaders understand that feedback is not about pointing out flaws but offering guidance for future development. This approach ensures that criticism is delivered thoughtfully, with a clear intent to empower and help individuals grow, rather than simply correct their mistakes.

Many leaders struggle with giving constructive feedback effectively, even in organizations that promote an open feedback culture. Often, what's missing is proper training and practice. Working with a coach helped me shift my mindset, seeing feedback not as criticism but as a developmental opportunity. Now, I focus on offering feedback in a way that encourages open dialogue and invites reflection, ultimately fostering improvement. In practice, I make an effort to provide specific examples that focus on the behavior or actions rather than the individual. This allows the person to see a clear path forward and feel supported. Whether in team meetings or peer discussions, I try to approach feedback with an open mind, acknowledging that each individual’s growth process is different. This way, the focus remains on building confidence, fostering learning, and ensuring that feedback is perceived as a positive opportunity for growth.

Finding the Right Balance: Empathy Paired with Assertiveness

While empathy is essential, it must be balanced with assertiveness to foster truly effective leadership. This balance ensures that we can make difficult decisions, set clear boundaries, and hold others accountable, all while maintaining a compassionate approach.

As a woman in leadership, I've faced unique challenges in dealing with societal expectations regarding empathy and assertiveness. It is often expected that women naturally possess empathy, while men are more frequently tasked with authority and making decisions. However, as Kristina Lunz points out, these traditional gender roles simplify human behaviour. While women are often seen as the compassionate ones, that doesn't mean they lack the strength or capability to make tough decisions or assert their authority when needed. Conversely, men aren't born without empathy either. They may not be as readily expected to display it, but empathy, just like assertiveness, is a skill that can be learned and developed over time.

True progress is not about choosing between empathy and assertiveness, but about embracing both. When we integrate these qualities - empathy alongside assertiveness - we can drive sustainable, positive change. Balancing both allows for a leadership style that doesn’t just direct or control, but empowers and unites.

A defining moment in my leadership journey came during a challenging organizational restructuring, where we had to make the tough decision to initiate layoffs. This situation required a delicate balance between the necessary assertiveness to carry out the decision we have made and the empathy needed to support and acknowledge the human side of the process. It was crucial for me to communicate the news honestly and transparently, while also being mindful of the emotional impact it had on those affected. What I learned in that situation was that leading with both determination and compassion not only helped me to handle this tough situation with integrity but also strengthened the trust and respect with colleagues, showing them that hard decisions can still be made with care.

Mutual support, especially among women, is a crucial component of this dynamic. Throughout my journey in leadership, I have often witnessed women and men alike hesitating to fully embrace their empathetic sides, whether for fear of being perceived as too "soft" or "emotional." In particular, women in senior roles may sometimes shy away from showing empathy, fearing it could undermine their authority or credibility. However, I believe that empathy, no matter who expresses it, is a powerful leadership trait. It’s not just women who should embrace empathy, it’s essential for men as well, particularly in environments where showing emotion or vulnerability can sometimes be seen as a weakness. Through my own experience, I’ve come to understand that true leadership requires us to nurture a space where both empathy and assertiveness coexist, allowing everyone to show up authentically and contribute to a trusted environment.

Empathy as the Core of Ethical Leadership

Empathy isn’t a “soft skill” or an optional leadership quality, it’s an essential leadership trait that improves decision-making, conflict resolution, and team motivation. By reframing empathy as a strategic asset, we move it to the forefront of ethical leadership where it belongs.When empathy is embraced as a leadership competency, it benefits not just individual leaders but entire organizations, creating resilient teams that can thrive in today’s complex business landscape.

I’d love to hear your thoughts:

• Do you consider empathy as a key component of strong leadership?

• Is it challenging for you to balance empathy with assertiveness?

• Do you believe empathy in leadership has a positive impact on business performance?

  
  

If this resonates with you and you're looking for someone who combines strategy, operational expertise, and a people-centered leadership approach, feel free to connect. I'm actively exploring interim and long-term opportunities where I can deliver value through impactful strategies, while staying true to my commitment to uphold core values and build trust within teams. 

Reach out if you'd like to explore how we can work together!

Theresa Mayer

Strategy & Operations Lead | Business Generalist | Executive MBA

Combining strategic insight, operational expertise, and a people-centered leadership approach.

theresamayer.com

References

Kastner, H. (2021). Dummheit. Kremayr & Scheriau.

Lunz, K. (2024). Empathie und Widerstand. Ullstein.